Communication and Marriage

When I hear the word engagement I think about a ring and a huge announcement. A young man sets up a fake activity and secretly has the family there with them. Then he gets down one one knee and proposes. This is one part of engagement; however, there is a lot more that should happen before their marriage.

One thing that should be done in this period of their relationship is communication about the future and about each other. This should be happening throughout the entire relationship, but especially now. Now, you may be thinking well our relationship is always going to be perfect and fun, so why the need to talk about it. Well if you are thinking this you are dead wrong. Marriage is beautiful, but it is in no way perfect. Some things you may want to discuss are how many kids you would like, money/spending, working, house chores, sex life, and talking about each others expectations. My mom and dad have taught me a lot about the importance of communicating with your spouse and kids. My dad told us that before they were married, they had a discussion about who would work and who would stay home. My mom expressed that she wanted to be a stay at home mom. Knowing this my dad said that he would step up and be the provider. This was established during their engagement and I think it saved them a lot of conflict. He also told us about how they had conversations with each other about their sex life, the number of kids they wanted, the way they would manage and spend their money, and they continue to have these conversations to this day. I believe that because they set the priority from the beginning that they would talk about decisions and expectations together, they were able to talk when bigger issues came their way. I have never heard my parents argue. One thing that my dad has told us is that he never goes to bed without saying I Love You to my mom. He makes sure that all issues or conflicts are worked out before hand. This is something that I believe helps their marriage. Another thing that my parents did during their engagement was set boundaries. They had the standards of not having intercourse until after they were married; so they decided that they would make sure they were always with at least one other person at all times. This boundary was there to protect both of them. This all came to be because of communication. My mom expressed that this is what she wanted to happen and my dad trusted her. Engagement is such an important time in this transition period in a relationship. Communication is key!

Wedding. White Dress. Flowers. Food. Pictures. Party.

After engagement comes the wedding. The wedding comes with it a lot of stress, decisions, people, and sometimes even conflicts. Just like every other step in your relationship, planning your wedding should be a time to communicate and work together. Often times, the bride and her mom are the ones who plan out the wedding, but it doesn't have to be this way. One thing that will probably be the big decider on what you do for your wedding is money. Money may come from a variety of places; you own bank account, student loans, family and friends, fundraising, etc.. This is the perfect opportunity to get to know each other better. You will be able to make decisions together and even set priorities. It can also help you guys recognize that the wedding is not the final result of your relationship. You are actually not just planning a wedding but you are planning a marriage.

Learning how to communicate and work together with your partner is so important. You will come to appreciate, love, and learn from them as you do so. Marriage is an opportunity to create an eternal family and live with them forever. Remember this every step of the way as you go through the different steps of relationships. It will be worth it!